scenes.moments.life.living

Archive for March, 2011

Every cloud has a silver lining.

Strangers are the best conversationalists, that’s what I proved this morning at the airport while waiting for my plane. His name’s Kumar, a Muslim-Indian guy bound to Cebu but resides somewhere in Mindanao.

I had quite a long time talking things with him. Topics from religion to politics to local scenes and of course our lives.

” So…are you (gesturing his hands to drive his point regarding my preference)? Yes, I swing both ways” that was me cutting the chase. And then he told me the (so far) most wonderful words a straight guy said to me ” I find people like you so interesting, you are a creative bunch of people, you can be more feminine that women and at the same time be the man of men.” I managed to smile with what he said and to myself, this stranger is a perfect example of who guys should be. At that moment I felt pride blood rushing through my veins and if people are like him we will be living in a gay world (happy world I mean). This stranger gave me and people like me the respect we deserve with his words.

Respect. Something that’s not easily given but earned the hard way especially for people like us. Something that most of us failed to get as we live day-in-day-out. As I walk through my life I learned that no one can give you the respect due you but you yourself. Respect begins when you respect yourself and when you respect others too. We should learn to love and respect ourselves more because we are facing a difficult world everyday of our lives since we decided to take on the unconventional road but I would like to believe that there a lot Kumars in this world, it’s just a matter of time to find and meet them…You can be your own Kumar, appreciate your Blessings because every overcast clouds has a silver lining.

There goes the last call for boarding, I’ll be posting this after deplaning in my destination.

Respect begins in you.

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New York

As the famous song Empire State of Mind goes “If can you make it here you can make it anywhere….concrete jungle where dreams are made of” the Big Apple has always been a lifelong dream for me. I envisioned myself setting foot in the corner of Wall Street, Broadway, Fifth and Madison Avenues either for business or pleasure.

Being in NYC means being at the top of the world or being at the center of the universe. The place where self made men thrive, compete and survive. A world where split second matters and a lot of things happen in a blink of an eye.

Being in NYC means I made it through my dreams and I sure can make it anywhere. It’s a manifestation that I can make things happen and I can seize my dreams so long that I maintain my focus and work hard towards achieving it. That’s who I am, but few knows why.

There goes NYC, a dream and I’ll do anything to seize it.

PS.
I hope people will understand the content of this blog. I’m just a dreamer who happen to be passionate in fulfilling it.

Spark.

Spark – a small glow

“Sorry wala kasi akong nafeel na spark,,

That was one hell of a painful message that I got from someone more than a year ago. Someone who (I thought) will make me happy and make me feel important…but I was wrong. That simple SMS tore me down and made me feel bad, really bad until now. Say that I am bitter, say that it took me a while to recover, I don’t care. That simple message made me feel how less I am of a person that no matter how I strive to be successful, it still won’t suffice for reasons I don’t know. Was it because of how I look? How I performed when we had sex? I simply don’t know and yes I wanted to know why to finally put closure and let the healing process begin (duh! healing process, after more than a year?!!).

After that SMS I was still hearing some news about his life. How happy he was (back then) with his BF who bears this luminescent “spark”. Good six months passed (I would like to look at the good things over that period) until I heard something bad happened. No, he was not cheated nor killed (I wont spill any detail as a sign of respect, besides this post is not about me talking things about someone else’s private life) and right now he’s recovering through his family and friends. Luckily he still has family and friends whom he can turn to in these trying times.

Just last night, I spoke with him and finally sent him a message which somewhat bears the pain inside me and some realization and some bitterness (alright, I have to raise my both hands and plead guilty).

Pain. I already said how I was in pain when he made me feel how less I am of a person because I don’t have that effing spark.

Bitterness. I can’t help but secretly grin at what happened to him. I would like to tell him if only he chose me (the one without the spark) probably he’s not shattered and in pain these days.

Realization. The message I sent him has this sense of pride in it. I am damn proud because I may lack the spark he’s after at least I am not responsible for his pain. But that’s one side or one way to look at it. The other side is that, maybe the reason why I am helping him pass through this situation is because that is the only thing a sparkless individual can do to be close to him again. But whatever way you look at it, I still prefer the former than the latter. I may have felt bad because he made me realize that there are a lot of things deficient in me but in the end I still am the good guy in the story. Consolation? Maybe. But I’ll keep up with that, at least I still have the courage to meet him in the eye, talk to him as I secretly smile (yan kasi kakahanap ng spark!) but with a tinge of bitterness inside.

That’s it.

Who cares about spark after all?

A lot!

PS.

Right now am trying to help him get through this as a friend. i think he’s not after spark when it comes to choosing a friend.

It took me more or less 20 minutes to finish this post.