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Sweet Life

My tears fell for this…

 

 

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

“Why?” he asked, shocked. “I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!” I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:” What can I do to change your mind?”

Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : “Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?” He said :” I will give you your answer tomorrow….” My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes…. My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further..” This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

“When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand… and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face… Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. ”

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting… and as I continue on reading… “Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk… I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread….

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone…

MORAL LESSON: That’s life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… and that’s our life… Love, not words win arguments.

 

Got this from my FB

A Great Year That Was…

2011 is nearing its end and it’s fitting to say “Thank You” for such wonders and greatness this year gave me and my family. Looking back, 2011 has been a great roller coaster ride, of a lot of new things, of giving happiness to the one’s I love, investments I made, countries I visited and will continue to visit, of equal pains and emptiness.

As I move to a greater year this 2012, I can honestly say that I managed to grow up this year. I managed to be more grounded yet not so wise spender hehe.

I look forward to a more Blessed 2012, a greater year, another meaningful year.

Here’s my big “thanks” to 2011 and my gleeful cheers to 2012

Happy New year Everyone!

Mother knows best!

Have you watched the movie Tangled? I can consider that as my 2011 Movie of the Year (personal) as I haven’t gone tired of watching it. Primarily because of the story line and how the characters complement each other, more than that, I am a self-confessed hopeless romantic and its cheesiness captured me. Aside from the lighting of the lanterns by the boat part (that’s the best part of the movie for me), the part where the girl’s pseudo-mom was having this conversation about going out of the tower and see the world and then the song goes “mother knows best”.

The Christmas brought me to my low points this year and made me realize a lot of things. Weeks back, after finishing shopping and looking at the bags in the corner of my room, a jolt of sadness hit me. For the first time, I opened up with my mom, told her how lonely I was. That amidst the fact that I can buy anything, go to any country, eat expensive stuff – anytime, I still can’t find happiness. I told her to not to get wrong, I am finding happiness with my family, I love them all, but there is a certain kind of happiness that even your family nor your closest friends can give. It’s like a void that only someone, a partner at that can fill. I felt a sign of relief when she told me she understands how lonely it must have been for me who’s always focusing in my job and working without a special someone to share it with. She also noted that she understands that they cant fill the emptiness I am feeling because there’s someone out there who could fill it up.

Tears fell as I was going through the entire conversation, she ended it with an advice that may I carefully choose the one I would like to be with and when that day comes that I will be having my partner, she will be happier for me.

At that point, I can feel how young I still am, like a toddler who’s running towards his mom sobering over something, and just like what mom always do, she’s there to comfort me and tell me things will be better, things will be alright.

Enjoy the holidays everyone!

Ortigas Wanderer is moving!

Our office will be transferred to the bustling neighborhood of The Fort.

I might consider changing the name of this blog 🙂

For [J]

For because I am missing you…

A Year Without Rain

Oooooh
Can you feel me when I think about you?
With every breath I take
Every minute, no matter what I do
My world is an empty place

Like I’ve been wondering the desert
For a thousand days
Don’t know if it’s a mirage
But I always see your face, baby

I’m missing you so much
Can’t help it, I’m in love
A day without you is like a year without rain
I need you by my side
Don’t know how I’ll survive
A day without you is like a year without rain
Ooh, woooaaahh woaahh

The stars are burning
I hear your voice in my mind
Can’t you hear me calling
My heart is yearning
Like the ocean that’s running dry
Catch me I’m falling

It’s like the ground is crumbling underneath my feet
(Won’t you save me)
There’s gonna be a monsoon
When you get back to me

Oh, baby

I’m missing you so much
Can’t help it, I’m in love
A day without you is like a year without rain
I need you by my side
Don’t know how I’ll survive
A day without you is like a year without rain
Ooh, woooaaahh woaahh

So let this drought come to an end
And make this desert flower again
I’m so glad you found me
Stick around me
Baby, baby, baby, oh
It’s a world of wonder with you in my life
So hurry, baby
Don’t waste no more time
And I need you here
I can’t explain
But day without you
is like a year without rain
Ooh

I’m missing you so much
Can’t help it, I’m in love
A day without you is like a year without rain
I need you by my side
Don’t know how I’ll survive
A day without you is like a year without rain
Ooh, woooaaahh woaahh

Could he be…the ONE?

We all heard of stories of finding one’s perfect match. Most often than not, we are envious from those stories and wanting is a mixture of emotions. On the other hand there are stories of hoping, of tireless waiting or losing hope to which our sympathy pours complete with morale boosting kind words. I am writing now because I can’t contain it, I am starting to like someone.

[J] born 5 years and 5 days ahead of me under the same stubborn star. A self made man. Grounded and emotionally stable. From the past days that we’ve been exchanging SMS and calls, we both realized that being born under the same star makes most aspects of our lives the same, is that good or bad? Neither of us can tell.

From one conversation we found out that we share the same reasons on why we stay single for the longest time and how we promised ourselves that whenever the “one” comes along, we will do our best to make it the “last”. I can’t help but assume and hope, [J] is the reason why I keep on checking my phone for new SMS or why I wanted to go home earlier (than usual) these days because that’s the time we would catch up on the day that just passed.

Now am scared to move forward, to loosen up my guards and to slowly give in to this “blissful emotion”. A friend of mine who serves as my confidante told me that what I am trying to do is wrong because I am trying to alter nature’s course for selfish reason – I don’t want to fall and be hurt at the end.

I look forward to sharing more colourful stories of me and [J]. Fingers crossed, heart beating fast, world’s of various shades and colors…could [J] be the ONE for ME?